Marital issue with Pastor Bisi: Husbands love your wives

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The level of information available to men how to love their wives are quite scanty, that is if there in any at all, especially the African man, was not taught to love his wives. The case of the woman child is different. From a very tender age she’s taught to treat her husband with respect.

Be that as it may, It is rather unfortunate that many men who are in church are also not hearing God when He is speaking to them on what will help them have a blissful marital experience. Many of us are like Jacob “… give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled that I may go in unto her (Gen 29:21).

When sex is the reason you are going into marriage, you may be given the wrong person, and you may fall into the wrong hands. Marriage is not just for better for worse, it is for life, it is the reason God commanded you to “love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Eph 5:25)

So what is love? Love is when you choose to be at your best when the other person is not at their best. Love is when what you want is never important. But what the other person needs and wants is always paramount. If you truly love someone, both of this definitions will ring true – this I believe the Lord Jesus Christ did for you and me (the church).

The reason the woman wasn’t commanded to love is obvious, all that has to do with the question of whether a woman loves a man or not has been answered before the wedding day. It is the man who has really not made up his mind in most cases. What he is seeing presently or going through may inform his decision, before a woman says yes to a man she already made up her mind in most cases, so to love seems to be inherent with the woman.

The man is a personality that gets easily carried away with what they can see, and what the eyes may see is never eternal, time can change what a man appreciates when it is based on what their eyes may see. It is the reason the Bible says that charm or “beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised (Pro 31:30)”.

So how do you know a woman that fears the Lord? That is hidden, it cannot be discovered until you have begun to live as man and wife. God is saying that I know what is in the woman am giving you, you will only discover that with time, but never worry about that, whatever you find in her or about her shouldn’t change this command, just love her.  That is the way to remain happy in your marriage.

Those who went into marriage like Jacob, may wake up in to disappointment, just as it was in his case.

If you don’t understand the mind of that young man, you will think beauty is what he is going for really, but under that desire for beauty is actually lust, hear what he said to Laban again _ give me my wife that I may go in unto her.  To satisfy the carnal pleasure was more important than verifying who he was given. It is the reason he was shortchanged.

What then does it mean  to love your wife?

It means in all things you are to put her first.

It means that she may not always remain strong as she seems now. You must still love her.

It means that there are weaknesses you will discover in her later, yet you must love her.

It means that you may have a thousand and one reasons to put her away,  but you mustn’t do that.

It means that she may not remain as beautiful as she is now, you must yet love her.

It means that everything she does must please you, even if she is not at her best.

When a man has gone outside of his marriage for any illicit affair, even when you seem to have repented and asked God forgiveness, you are not free until you have talked it over with your wife, because aside of sinning against God, she is the one person you have offended _ Mark 10:11. Love will give the courage to be opened to her. Nothing to hide from her.

Let’s consider how important it is to be in agreement with our wives _ 1peter 3:7,

It is love that will make a man to remain in his marriage no matter what. The truth of the matter however is, if you don’t love your wife you may never be in agreement with her and that may cause a setback for you, because your prayer may be hindered. Some people in marriage are thinking that Jesus Christ permitted divorce for some reasons, this is one of the teaching of the Master that has been mostly misunderstood, many people in the church doesn’t understand what the Lord is saying in Matt. 19:8-9. In the next edition of the publication we shall consider this scripture. Remain ever blessed.

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